I can hardly believe it's been four months. I mean, in retrospect, it makes perfect sense that it would be, but still. That said, it's been a long few months. To say that a lot has happened since November would be the understatement of the fucking decade. And I feel like I'm unqualified to solve the myriad problems that I have, let alone begin to form plans to put what remains of my life right. But I suppose I'll have to start. But first, a little update.
(I've been reading Tad's blog since I "woke up", though I wasn't asleep in any sense of the word. I just feel myself again for the first time in a long time. I suppose that it's my fault for falling out of contact with him.)
It's been a damned long time since I felt I had the ability to just sit down and write for as long as I have. I feel somewhat bad for doing it, even now, because I should probably be looking for work at this point. Which, of course, brings me to the first of many life-changes that happened to me over the past four months. Sometime between mid-December and mid-January, I lost my job. I don't know exactly when, because I wasn't officially "fired" until the middle of February, by which point I really didn't give much of a shit anyway. And really, why should I? I had thought that perhaps I would go home to my native Michigan, but I...I just don't think I can do that. Not now. Not ever. (And, for once, there are no political motivations here.)
And it's not like I really have to leave. My lease is up end of April anyway, and if I don't have a job then, I suppose I can just...disappear. Not that I want to, mind you, but because it does really seem to be the best course of action. I can...well, hell, I haven't gotten to that, yet, have I? I don't want to, and it's painful for me to even think about this, and goddamn it, it's not like anyone who reads this has a right to know, but hell, I have no other venting apparatus, so I'll roll with it.
I got a call one morning early in January, from my brother's girlfriend. See, Nick was supposed to leave just after Christmas, to go on some ridiculous hike in the northern Michigan woods in winter, for his job. I don't pretend to understand why he does that sort of stuff. But apparently he'd set up some sort of system where he'd contact his bosses every few days to keep in touch to make sure that he didn't need help, or rescue, or other shit like that. Good idea, but apparently he hadn't contacted them in over two weeks. I mean, it's not the first time he's plain forgotten to do that, but they couldn't get a hold of him, and asked his girlfriend. She tried with no luck, and asked me. I tried, and again, no luck, no joy. Nick was just out there. But I've seen him last longer than two weeks in harsher climates.
But then they found his car. See, that was when we realized we had a problem. Nick's car was found parked in the garage of an abandoned house in Detroit, not too far from where he was last seen. It was still locked. In fact, that's the strangest thing. The entire house, though abandoned and ransacked years ago, didn't appear lived-in. It was almost as though the local homeless actively avoided the house (and in fact, I was told exactly that by one of the investigating officers late in January), and nothing in his car had been touched or moved. Not his cell phone. Not his tent. Not even his rations. Which meant that whereever Nick was, he was without his things, and that's when I started to worry.
I'll add more to this tonight, but I'll post it now. I just heard my door buzzer.